i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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