summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
