Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
