why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
