Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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