Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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