if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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