3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize