Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
