Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
