those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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