Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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