That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this boner is exhausting
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
