Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
