he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
