Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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