When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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