WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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