fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
