my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
