she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
