if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
