I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
