Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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