The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just invented taco cereal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize