dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
