He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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