Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
