no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
