Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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