from now on my penis is your penis
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
