the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
