I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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