Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize