omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
