i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
