literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
