Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
