It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i now understand why vodka
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
