Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
