You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
