I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Panties = found
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
