There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize