Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
