At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
