I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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