if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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