I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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