so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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