I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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