there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
