so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
