So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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