If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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