apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
