she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
