he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize