Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
