Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
