I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
