Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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