I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
