Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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