he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
