sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
