laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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