I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
