I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
