He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
